When every sad love song made sense...

I guess, this is me being truly honest with myself. I kinda saw it coming. What happened was something I, somewhat expected. I just couldn't get my head around how it transpired. It was not good, at least on my part. Some endings are not always good. That was when every sad love song made sense.  

It was a learning experience for me. It made me think of all the choices I made in life, so far. But then again, I wouldn't have learned and experienced the ups and downs of a relationship if I hadn't took  that chance sometime, four years ago. 

Think of me being selfish. I was only thinking of myself, so he said. I was speechless when I read that message. Honestly, I let my pride get the best of me. I was too proud to ask for his help when I needed it. I kept my struggles to myself. I didn't want to burden him with my problems. I didn't want him to think of me as weak and dependent. He had no idea how I struggled with my health for the past couple of years. How I shamelessly cried in front of my parents in the middle of the night. I thought I was nearing death. I was too occupied with clinic visits and laboratory tests to ask him how he was doing. I thought as we were both busy with acads, we were just okay. It was a mistake on my part.

It took me one month to really process my scattered emotions. I said and did things I didn't think I'm capable of just so I could save it. But it was all worthless. 

I finally get it now, how people in the movies talked about closure. But no closure is closure, nonetheless. 

Everything happened for a reason. I hope one day, I may understand why all of those experiences good and bad happened. 

I am writing this to finally let go of all my regrets and all the what ifs. This is only a phase I have to go through. This will only pass. 

Three months have passed. I can say now that I am better. Better than how I was, three months ago.